???

Sorry That I love you

For all of the time that I tried for your smile
For making you think I was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
that no one was there to take a stand
but the love love love made us blind
and I’m so sorry that I hurt you

sorry that I fell through
sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that I came true
but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it alright
so sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
sorry that I loved you
sorry that I held you tight
and I’m sorry for making you love me and saying goodbye
for being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
for giving you every thing that you dreamed
for taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love for wasting your time
and I’m so sorry that I hurt you

sorry that I fell through
sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that I came true
but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
so sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
sorry that I loved you
sorry that I held you tight

an apology now after all of this time
won’t make any difference tonight
but I’m hoping I’m sorry will open your mind
to love love love in your life
sorry that i hurt you
sorry that I fell through
sorry I was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that I came true
but sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
sorry that i hurt you
sorry that I fell through
sorry I was falling in love with you

I’m sorry that I came true
but sorry doesn’t turn back time
I’m sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I hurt you
I’m so sorry that I loved you
i’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I loved you

SCHEDULES

Today is a Labor Day.

Been busy last month of April with much similarity with the current month.

Schedule for May,2011

May 4 to 6 Meeting with Boss and my staffs from 9-6pm / Dinner @ 7pm with Boss’s.

May 7  Flight to Cebu @ 10am / afternoon free time.

May 8 to 9 Meeting/Team Building / whole day.

May 10 Directors Conference then @ 5:40pm Flight back to Manila.

May 11 to 14 EDSA Shangrila Convention

May 16 Leave / offset (from May 14)

May 17 to 20 Client Calls/Meetings

May 23 Flight to Bangkok.

May 24 Meeting with Business Partners

May 25 Whole day meeting/Sales Forcast with RSM (Vietnam,Indonesia,Philippines)

May 26 Flight back to Manila

May 27 Whole day office/emails and coaching with staffs

May 30 to 31 No schedules yet.

Thats how my month of May will be… 

Too much stress already…

almost 2 years ago.

Almost 2 years ago, NOV. 2009,  I quote “I brave myself for the love and for the wrath it has to offer” on this blog. and Now it is happening.. this is me reflecting things… that never knew what will happen back then.. Today as a future of yesterday lies the wrath. As I face this, I asked for forgiveness to GOD yesterday when I spent myself on the church and attended the mass. Again head down, I asked for more strengths and understand things. To encourage me to move-on and walk away to everything that I value.

RIDDLE without RIDDLE

I don’t know why I need to explain things…

It was titled “the unseen shadow of love”. Remember the saying “kapag nagmahal ka may kakambal na sakit”? Well the word “sakit” is very broad and may be defined to other words or things like break-up etc. (You may define yours differently). Anyway, I just did expelled my thoughts, dismay to this “SAKIT” feeling that happens to everyone, to anyone with no excuse. They are all over the place. Relentlessly striking the relationship without any warnings.

This was like a riddle without riddle.

I don’t want to judge the way you or anyone of the readers of this blog on how they interpret things… But it isvery helpfull to analyze first the deep thoughts that I make befor you make your conclusion. Don’t ask me how because I don’t know.

NOT Again! - The unseen shadow of Love.

Time has come and I met you again. Shattered dreams you pass again.Keep tracking myself where I go. I was just starting the feeling and I thought it would be forever. For years, you were silently active and just there, waiting for the right time and unnotice you strike again. Believe me I’m battered by your games. Screaming, hurting and wounded, I bow and surrender. You WIN and I LOST!

Sad thing that I can only patch the wounds and never heals. Leaving marks of FOREVER. I guess you’ll never get satisfied. Hurting and watching people suffer with a broken heart.

So I’m begging, knee’s on the ground… Just go away and let me go of your decisive moment. Understand me, for I just want to love and be loved. Wanting to live a life anew. 

Saturday

I just got back from MOA. Well, we went there around 4 PM to catch the 5:30 pm anticipated mass and as well as  the convoy of Our Lady of Antipolo (replica) as it rest for a few days at the church near MOA… Cermon of the priest has kept me thinking when he ask us catholics to reflect on why people are afraid to choose? It maybe a person, things or decisions. The priest said: We are all afraid to make or choose the best choice, why? because we’re afraid to fail or to fail others. We don’t want to be in a situation wherein, we will regret things at the end. Anyway afterwards, a short dance presentation was presented at the altar by children followed by a prayer and blessing. We were also given a picture of Our lady of Antipolo with a prayer at the back. Overall, the whole event took about 2 hours. Not the usual 1 hr or 1hr and 15mins at most huh!?

I was so hungry, that I can’t even think of what and where to eat. I was also frustrated with the traffic that thinking of getting out of MOA is nearly impossible because of the Pyrolimpics. So, Mama and Papa decided to just stay there for a while and just have our dinner at big buddha (nanaman!walang kasawa-sawa) …

Hearing thunder sound from the fireworks on the atmosphere while eating annoys my ears. Then I remember I need to buy some new clothes. So we went to Department store…for 1 linen polo barong and a polo shirt… I never thought it was expensive. Because it was back in 2008 since I last bought polo barong. Well it backslash my pocket by P2,289. need to pay by card. No cash, I’m currently bankrupt due to bills.

Driving back home, Mama, Papa and I were discussing about CRV, Fortuner, Forester, RAV4, technically every SUV that we saw. About the original price and price now in the market. Papa was joking that Mama can buy Forester but after 2 years. So  I interupted and said, why buy forester, just buy a house in sta.rosa laguna, where air is not as polluted as manila, by then sta. rosa and makati or mandaluyong will be just few minutes away (para solo ko na tong bahay nato! hahaha…) But papa again replied and said, actually it was suppose to be a condo unit (I don’t know where and what condo is he referring to) but we have to give up so many things… Because every month were spending about 30 to 35k for bills… (WTF-ang laki nun ah) I don’t know where are we spending it for, but for electicity, I know we are only ranging about 2800-3500T/month on a normal month and during peak month range about 3500-5k. Water for sure is not as high as electricity. Wala naman kami swimming pool! hahaha… anyway, if that’s how it is, then let it be. For now, my plan is buy an SUV on my own pocket. It maybe a 2nd hand CRV or Civic.. that’s my target within this year.

PWEDE KO BA SABIHIN SAYO?

On the night of 24th… Phone conversation…

Pwede ko ba sabihin sayo? 

 PUTANG INA! PUTANG INA MO!

This are the exact words that you said.

And… I hang up the phone…

Today

Pile of work has to be done today at the office. I felt so frustrated that I wanted everything to be done on time. I wanted to free myself from any worries at work for my weekend. Adding more to the situation are situation I’m dealing with personally and with my Lucy. Lucy is having a leak under her hood and loosing water. My guess is that sealant on the water pump just broke down after a hit on the humps. So additional expense again.

 Anyways, while there’s so much work to be done and running at my mind, this 3PM I have a scheduled meeting near MOA with this Finance Head of one account I’m handling. We talk for about an hour with the proposal etc. Then followed a second meeting with her colleague. There I spent another 30-45mins. My throat is already dry that I can hardly swallow my saliva. I need some water badly at that time. whew….

Afterwards I was thinking of dropping by to MOA to have some air and time to console myself but I decided to go home instead. So here I’am at home blogging. 

Btw, one of my previous colleague sms me and ask if I wanted to go for a couple of drinks. I haven’t replied yet, and thinking of what to reply. I wanted too but part of me wanted to say no. hehehe… so let’s see… but leaning more to say no. hehehe..

5 Days/Anger

It has been 5 days straight since then, And within this 5 days I only close my eyes for about 3 hours max around 3:30 - 4:00am. So imagine how it feels like. Body weakened. Eye bugs popping…Why? Because I’m angry! Of what? Everything. Everything that is being wrongly pointed at me. The type of characteristics that everyone, thinks that I portrait. Well I couldn’t blame them, I may just assume that “hey, you really don’t know me.”

And deep inside of me is another anger because of the poor judgement they have. Judgement that affects me as a person.

When the time comes that I’ll be no where in your sight, expect me not return.

I think I can’t hold it anymore. I need to get a decent rest… 

Next week… I’ll start fasting… enrol to a gym.. Now that I can manage to pay.

ConsiderationCic

It’s hard to decide where & what my future will be if I remain or choose that. It started last December 2010 with HR Manager and followed last January 2011 VP for Sales & Marketing. Bonus point that I think both HR & VP were impressed by my credentials hahah… 1 more to go with the President and CEO and this will be all done. An opportunity that I think nobody can resist. The opportunity to learn new things. Handle 100k to 500k USD account and the scholarship  to a specialty on this field that entails to the job and only the lucky few people in any country can avail. With that huge credit, I will be much marketable to global job competition and dictate my own price in the industry.

So far, price of my current value was layed down on the table by VP which she thinks that it will be most likely be agreed by the President or CEO. Well, offer was good… and additional perks or incentives will be discuss soon. I felt comfortable with the price. BUT!

 I’m still weighing things…. Here with my current job, I was given… I should say fair value (about time they gave me a good raise) or else…

Well work related? I should say average. Meaning, at times I could be in hella of stess and often times I was laying down on my seat and doing nothing. Boss? Hmmm… I should zip my mouth on this. Colleagues? Yes, they are fun to be with but needed some distinguished look of professionalism. Overall, It’s quite good experience.

I’m not getting any younger. My patience is getting thiner. I wanted to establish and level myself with those wearing suit and dining at the hotel for lunch or dinner.I wanted to have my own air transport and fly with it around the world. I’m not  greedy nor a hypocrite. I’m just being a natural person created by God with dreams and ambitions.

JAN 2011

Over this month, I was packed with scheduled appointments, meetings, field work etc. I was so depressed that the time I had left to get the new accounts is getting thiner as I won’t be around to monitor if it progress or not. Crossing my fingers I left for Bangkok, Thailand board an hour late PAL A340 seating on a Business Class Seat (YahOOOoo!!!) with my own TV monitor, movies, reclinable and bulky seat. From Jan 9-14, I was staying at Kantary House Hotel Apartments. Internet was provided but limited. An option is to buy the in-room access for 600BHAT/Night. So no choice, I have to get to public areas like pool side or lobby. There a bunch of emails awaits for my reply. I learned alot from the practice of Business Cases discussed and deliberated on the fuction room. There I was teamed up with some colleagues from different countries playing a role of Defense and Offense players. It doesn’t end the brutal Pre-Annual Sales Meeting there. On the afternoon of Jan 14, we headed to Millennium Hilton Hotel Bangkok for another 4D/3N meetings. Now this is getting more serious. Everyday until Jan 17, I had to meet some of our foreign partner give some numbers but some, I was accompanied by our Country Manager and Regional Manager for Vietnam,Indonesia and Philippines and most of the time I’m all alone. To be honest I was running out of excuse for some partners. hahaha… I really don’t know what to say anymore. At the end of the the I always tell them, Phillippines will do better this year. Just to make our partners comfortable. On the 18th, Finnally, its over! Uwian na! Board PAL A340 again. But now I seat on the Economy Class (Oh I miss my Business Class seat!). Anyway, I had a good seat though-wing side. From there, I have taken a shot of an Emirates Airline A380 plane at the back wing, lining up for runway. Home sweet home in the evening.

Jan 19th

Had get up for work cause there’s no excuse for me why I shouldn’t go for work. I needed to get back and follow-up my cases. Emails, emails and emails again.

Jan 20th

It was then when I reached the office that myself gets calm wherein the new account is on the way to be a closed Deal. So in the afternoon, I ran to the customer to get the every detailed details and process of payment. Because I need to make sure it would be paid properly hehehe… So there, I went home happy and satisfied.

In the evening, I, my partner, our 2nd time, were going to Macau - Hongkong together with a first timer - Mama and sister . A pre celebration of Mama’s Birthday. Papa is not coming because of the weather ahead from those 2 countries. It’s cold and getting as low as 7° to 8°deg which Papa might not be able to take hold unto. Departing from Manila-Macau past 7pm we landed at Macau Int’l Airport at around 9pm. Unaware how cold weather felt like, we were caught by a coldl breeze after breeze. Take a Cab and headed straight to the Hotel. Unpacked our laggage and went out for a Senado and The Ruin’s Trip. It’s a beautiful scenery for this 2 places in 1 location at night.

Following day, we woke-up late so we decided to just take Mama and my sister to Macau Fisherman’s Wharf, a place we missed to visit during our 1st trip. The place is quiet with beautiful architecture. A place you can relax and view the long brige that connect Taipa to Macau proper. Then City of Dream and Venetian. And plans to have our Dinner buffet at Macau Tower. Price TAG - 410MOP (Butas ang bulsa). Unfortunately, there’s no room for us anymore so we again decided to go for SANDS. There again, everyone was confused wether or not to take the buffet or not because price has been doubled from 108MOP to 220MOP vat exclusive during dinner. Guest where we landed our dinner? A nearby resto comparable to TokyoTokyo resto here in the Phil with a decent but lacking of taste food. So Ok lang, ganon talaga. At least we had our decent dinner unlike our 1st trip where I and my partner had budget constraint. The day doesn’t end there, My sister and my partner decided to go to a souvenier shop near the ruins to buy pasalubong.

Next Morning, we board a Fast Ferry going to Hongkong. Cost us 155MOP or HKD/person. We choose that boat because that would take us to Tsim Sha Tsui directly where the place were going to stay for 4D/3N will be on that location, opposite to Butterfly on Morrison - Wan chai (I miss this hotel as well) where we stayed during our 1st trip.

Unpacked our laggage, we head to KFC to have our lunch (price is almost the same with Philippines) and went MTR to buy the 3days unlimitted plus 1 airport express card which cost us HKD250/person and went straight to Citygate. There I can see the eyes of my shoppaholic sister and my partner wanting to buy everything they can. Sister bought Mama a good shoes so she can walk comfortably. My partner was tempted to buy the COACH bag (haaay.. di manlang nanghihinayang) but ended up buying nothing. My sister went to grocery to buy some goodies and followed them as if I was like a linta. Had our dinner there as well & went home tired.

 Next morning, we had our breakfast at KFC again. It’s time for Ngong Ping 360°. Took almost the whole day and decided to get back to in the mid 4pm. Had dinner at PizzaHut (price is quite expensive) CityGate (Mall that is parallel going to Ngong Ping) Reached Tsim Sha Tsu around 6 or 6:30pm. There Mama and my sister went off to look and shop around Tsim Sha Tsu. While for me and my partner, we met a good friend of her’s. There, my partner is asking her friend to accompany her to SOGO where she could buy her ever dream of having a Longchamp bag. hahaha… Finnally she got one. With our surprise ate also bought one, but the limited edition. My partner was so jealous that she wanted to return and exchange it for something the same. hahaha..

The following morning, DISNEYLAND! Here we go! we missed this as well during our 1st trip to finnally I came to revisit it again. Spending the whole day of Fun at the park. Mama even ride SPACE MOUNTAIN. hahaha… Mama is laughing, complaining afterwards quoting “Hinayblad ata ako dun ah”. So we were all laughing . We watch the parade, different shows etc.

Overall rating? TWO THUMBS UP!

Day 25th.

Laggage hardly close, souvenirs and memories, places we never thought that we’ll be, leaving our footprints on the streets… Time to say goodbye to Hongkong!

Jan 26th - 28th

Work again. had a good salary increase though for this year.

I just got enough for this month. The work and leisure is over.

SINGAPORE WAIT FOR US THIS APRIL OR MAY! hahaha crossing my fingers to come true. 

My Pre-Christmas EVENT!

Okay let’s get on what’s-up for me this Dec. 24th until morning of 25th. Well tonight my mom just asked me to bring my sister to her office as she works in a call center industry and yes that’s what I hate about Call Centers…at around 11:30 PM.

So afterwards, I’ll just wait and park Lucy maybe somewhere and spend my christmas on the road. Reflecting pn what I’ve lost and what I have gained this 2010 and where I want to go next.

Then about 12:30 or 1:00 AM, I’ll just head alone and look for some open clubs which obviously there would be  in the Makati or Eastwood area. I want to forget the things that happened to me lately. Rebellious Iam now.!  I’m going to be, I’ll  get myself drown and drunk. YES I WANT TO PARTY! I want some E, Smoke, Beer and Alcohol to complement and back me up. hahaha…

There’s no sense of staying at home cause I’ll be on a depression when I’m just in my close door room and since my parents will most likely be asleep by then. But this is not the reason why I’m being a rebel. I understand them. Honestly saying I do.

Rather a much deeper reason I may say not related to my family.

I don’t care anymore to whatever others may tell about me. This is my life, this is me and I’ll be whatever I wanted to be. An Asshole? YES! I DON’T CARE! but guess what I’m leaving a message to anyone who think that I’am an asshole - “SCREW YOU!”

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

….

Never say goodbye when you still want to try, never give up when you still feel you can’t take it. Never say you don’t love the person anymore when you can’t let go.

Just take my Heart

JUST TAKE MY HEART

It’s late at night and neither one of us is sleeping I can’t imagine living my life after you’re gone Wondering why so many questions have no answers I keep on searching for the reason why we went wrong

Where is our yesterday You and I could use it right now But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go I don’t have the need for it anymore I’ll always love you, but you’re too hard to hold Just take my heart when you go

Here we are about to take the final step now I just can’t fool myself, I know there’s no turing back Face to face it’s been endless conversation But when the love is gone you’re left with nothing but talk

I’d give my everything If only I could turn you around But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go I don’t have the need for it anymore I’ll always love you but you’re too hard to hold Just take my heart when you go

Who suffers more from heartache - men or women?

This was an article on yahoo australia I just recently read. That I want to re-post.  I agree on the article but would strongly disagree about the age range. It maybe or possibly more than what it says below…. I suggest they widen coverage of their research for all single men. I’ll be the 1st one to be on the trial. hahaha…

BY: Liz Brody

In fiction, men turn themselves inside out for love—from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Jay Gatsby reinventing his life to get Daisy back, to even a bad boy like Chuck Bass angling for Blair after three seasons of ‘Gossip Girl’.

But in real life, isn’t it the women who most acutely feel the whiplash of relationship turmoil? We lose sleep over fights (he snores). We anguish at his failure to remember an anniversary. We watch ‘Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf’ to remind ourselves that, “There but for the grace of God,” and cook up revenge plans should he dare to dump us (at least I do.)

So I was interested to see a new study, published this month in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, which suggests that guys are a lot more sensitive than we might think. Analysing the mental health of 1,611 unmarried subjects between ages 18 and 23, researchers found that, while women predictably get more depressed after a breakup, men outdo us in riding the highs and suffering the lows of the romantic roller coaster.

Really?

Lead researcher, Robin Simon, PhD, a sociology professor at Wake Forest University, was surprised, too. With older couples, she says, it’s known that both sexes share the stress when love life gets rocky. But younger guys are different: They seem to have particularly thin skins. 

“These boys are more sensitive to relationships,” she says. “Tension and conflict are more hurtful to them than to women. And their mental health is more buttressed when things go well.” Meanwhile, even though we trump them in terms of breakup misery, “men do care.”

Would you know if your partner is upset? Simon notes that males don’t typically admit to being depressed. Instead they show their stress by increasing substance abuse. So if he’s acting like a jerk chugging way too much beer with the guys, it could be his way of reacting to the strain between you. 

Why are women emotionally stronger? A man’s primary source of intimacy is typically his romantic partner, and when that connection frays, he’s left dangling. Women, on the other hand, have their girlfriend-net to fall back on when things get dicey at home—and that’s huge.

What’s changed? Simon suggests that the new marriage trends have tenderised this generation. “Today’s young adults grew up in a culture of divorce—even if their own parents didn’t split, for sure their friends’ parents did. And they know that intimate relationships are fragile. Also their dads are probably dependent on their wives’ salary.”

“Are you saying that we’re going to see the rise of the super-sensitive guy,” I ask her? 

“I think that could be,” she says. “It’ll be curious to see what their marriages are like.”

No copywrite intention… Credit remains to whoever created the article nor the website where I found this.

WISH ME LUCK

Last night, I together with my colleague’s, my boss and the whole team from other division and their boss went for a despedida party at Central. It was a place where we used to have a couple of drinks. I wasn’t at the mood, seriously.

We haven’t started yet of the drinking when I received an sms from her friend. She was asking about the HK/Macau trip. It wasn’t bothered me until, she told me what happend to ****’s mom. I immediately replied asking for any news. And so, I sms Tita (****’s mom), to confirm her status. It was sad to know that she would undergo an operation this saturday…I hope it turned well for her to get back on her choirs. I also sms “her (****)”. I was thinking that maybe, she was busy… I waited, hoping my phone will beep a tone but didn’t get any reply. 

At that very moment my thoughts were floating in the air. My conscience also struck me. I wanted to call but was doubtful that she would answer. Middle of the session I was eager to get back home coz I want to sleep and cry (iyakin)… But no one wants to buy my excuse. so what I did was to pass a my drink to another colleague without him knowing… It was 11:15pm when they decided to have a karaoke at Music 21 in jupiter st.Makati. I thought I can run off. but they hold my other phone for me not to ran.

There I acted as if I was already drunk… and yes, they bought it. having myself excuse from the 2 litro’s of BADTRIP as what Central BBQ grill called it and 3 barrels of Draft beer… Time is so slow that I felt like sleepy watching the pointer on my watch as it turns 1:00am.  Haay… I made an excuse again that my mom already sms me to go home (mama’s boy… hahaha). Guess what? as I expected they didn’t buy it.  My mind is totally blunt and thinking of so many things…

Finally got home around between 3:00-3:30am. I sms **** again, but still no luck… so I decided to hit the bed and sleep. 

Woke at 8:15am, I was in a rush cause I know  I’ll be late for work. I arrived in the office 9:30am just in time. As usual, updating my pipeline’s, emails etc. It was 3pm when my boss from thailand skype me asking me to give him an update on my cases. I told myself, PUTEK! I was planning to go out early so I could go home early to get some sleep.  So I convinced him that to reschedule our meeting tomorrow morning…. haay.. So there, I go out of the office nearly 4pm, ran on the parking and I couldn’t get Lucy out cause there were other cars blocking the way out. Good thing the parking guy has the key. 

Fast forwarding the story arrived at a client to pay a visit and went home straight. Arrived early at 5:45pm, and here I’am eating luckyme pansit canton for my dinner. hehehe…

Well I planned to call her tonight maybe around 7:30 -8:00pm. If she won’t answer my call, guess what? I’ll still try the next hour. and if still no answer. I’ll call again and again every 30mins. and if she still don’t answer before 12midnight, I’d say goodbye forever and change my numbers… 

I had to prepare myself for any result it may cause… wish me LUCK!

Travel

I’ve been long looking forward to Travel to HK and Macau from July 18-23, 2010.

For the past months I’ve been so bothered how to accommodate the expenses on this adventure, and now my dilemmas had been solved. I was, Thank God… but events happen in our lives uncontrollably.

So I guess there’s no room for me to tag along as they have already planned things without me… eh? Besides there’s no reason why should I… I don’t want to push myself to person’s who doesn’t want my companion. Who am I to dictate, right?

I already filed my Vacation Leave weeks before and was thinking of having a reservation at Buri Spa and Resort, stay for at least an overnight or so in a Garden Villa, ALONE! Without my family, leaving Lucy, LUA, My cellular in the comfort of my house, wherein the room has no television or other fancy electronics. A quiet and peaceful ambiance, away from the crowded, and stressful Manila. A place where I can reflect, release all the burdens and pains in my heart and cry out loud. A place I hope to find myself. 

Honestly, I was hoping few months ago before the “uncontrollable event” happened, that If in case we will not push through with HK-Macau, I’ll just bring her to this place to compensate the travel.

It was disappointing to know that HK/Macau won’t happen as planned. Rather total revision of the plan is needed. 

I visualize what would people at Buri Spa and Resort would think of me traveling alone, but this time I’ll raise my guts and never mind what people had to say. I had my own purpose why I’m doing this…

I have to go now, almost 6pm. Time to logout. Will be having a drinking session at Central for a despedida of our colleague from other division… ‘til my next utterwords…

:(

For the years gone by, people comes my ways… as they come, they go… leaving me alone. I had loved them in some ways and hurt them as well, become my friends and soon became my enemies… We fought in so many different ways that our path won’t meet… I ask myself, “is it worth it?”. I always believe it was. Holding-on to what I had even with thorn and bleeds me apart, until when there will be no blood and pain. But in this imperfection, lies my heart that cries… Struggling to be perfect in their eyes…Sadly, I failed…  It was an adventure and rough journey to find the true love I’ve been looking for.

In life, there are not many who had found a perfect partner and I may say that I’am one of those person who continue to seek my way in finding the person who would truly  love me and no other, a person I will sleep beside every night.  To a person who will bear a child that I will call my son or daughter. To a person I will call my wife and in the end watching our portrait of  “You and I” growing old together until we die.

I envy couples who had found themselves in front of the alter, exchanging vows, securing themeselves of they will be together forever.

The Path to Lasting Happiness

Happiness rests within us. If we wish to be happy, we need to take full responsibility for our emotional response to all events in our life. No other person has the power to make us happy or unhappy. We, alone, can choose to be happy, or unhappy.

TOP 10 Places to Start a New Life

So, you want to live somewhere where the cost of living is low and the quality of life is high? If so, take a look at where in the world the top ten places to live are.

# 1 NEW ZEALAND

Made up of two main islands and a number of smaller islands, New Zealand is one of the world’s least crowded countries. As well as the feeling of space and escapism from hectic everyday life, this country offers magnificent mountains, luscious lakes, clear rivers, geysers, volcanoes, glaciers, and exotic rainforests.Peaceful, quiet. - A perfect place to live-in.

# 2 ITALY

Italy is a country that is as diverse as it is captivating. Occupying a peninsular nearly 3,000km long, its attractions range from cosmopolitan cities to beautiful landscapes, from cultural havens to historic hotspots. If you ever dreamed of living in the middle of a vineyard or surrounded by sunflowers, your dreams could become a reality in Italy, not forgetting the gorgeous food on offer.

# 3 AUSTRALIA

Whether you dream of exploring tropical rainforests or arid outbacks, beautiful beaches or cosmopolitan cities, you can be sure that Australia will provide. Great nightlife, tasty food and plenty to keep you busy, it’s no wonder that Australia comes in at number 3.

# 4 PORTUGAL

Portugal is home to some 10 million inhabitants. Travel to the north of the country and you’ll discover a well-kept secret of rural landscapes and a traditional way of life.

# 5 DUBAI

Located in between Abu Dhabi and the rest of the Emirates, Dubai is now a top destination to live. Originally a small town of Bedouin people, it is now home to the Burj Al Arab hotel, thought to be the worlds only 7 star hotel. Many celebrities have already taken the opportunity to own a piece of this stylish city by buying a house on one of the many man-made islands that will soon be spanning its coastline.

# 6 SPAIN

Every region of Spain has its own traditions, and each is worth exploring over successive trips. Relax over a glass of the local cider in Asturias, eat paella in Valencia, or watch flamenco dancing in Andalucia. We can see why it is such a great place to live.

# 7 SOUTH AFRICA

South Africa is a vast country with landscapes that vary from the steep cliffs of the Drakensberg Mountains to the sandy beaches of the Indian Ocean, with the added bonus of some of the best wildlife viewing on the planet. Although everyone speaks English, this is a truly multicultural nation with eleven official languages and as many vibrant cultures.

# 8 UNITED KINGDOM

In case you don’t know this already, the United Kingdom is full of sights and attractions, from the bright lights of the big cities like London, Cardiff, Edinburgh and Belfast, to quieter spots on the beautifully-secluded islands offshore. The Isle of Skye and the Isle of Man are just two examples of places to escape to for unspoilt countryside and enviable coastlines.

# 9 USA, FLORIDA

America’s “sunshine state” is not only for its great weather and superb beaches but for the non-stop entertainment and magic of the world’s largest entertainment complex: The Walt Disney World Resort in Florida. Away from the fun parks and beaches, there is another, quieter, side to the state. To the north you’ll find green forests and lovely countryside.

# 10 SINGAPORE

The island of Singapore is located at the tip of the Malaysian Peninsula in south- east Asia, and it’s also made up of 59 tiny islands that lie just off its southern coast. Singapore city is a wonderful fusion of culture, history, architecture, art, with the contrast of old and new all rolled into one.

Tomorrow never Ends

I just got home, tired but still having the time to blog something. It’s been a while since I haven’t push the buttons on my keyboard since I’ve been stuck  playing my Flight Simulation during my dead hour/s or having someone on my cellular. Well not all the time, because for this month of MAY I’ve been so busy with alot of stuff from work. Alot of Foreign business partners with different nationalities had been coming and as usual I have to take good care of them while they are here with the help from my colleague. Hey, I’m not working as a tourist guide or in a travel agency ok? I work far ahead from that area… Just like today, I accompanied 1 colleague from our company’s subsidiary who is a malaysian but a chinese as well. I was having a hard time catching up with her english. So just imagine how difficult it is to get used to their accent. There’s this one customer of ours, who is very frank that even though she speaks fluently in english, they are still having difficulty understanding her… Therefore I have to revise her english in a more appropriate conversational english so our customers could understand. Well, things work well for the 3 institutional customer we visited and hell yeah, her ears were clapping like crazy hearing words without rejections… So I said on the car that hey, its quite different when we talk to them. Maybe because your a foreigner, they just want to give this good impression that their institution are BIG and Budget Constraint is out of the topic… Funny thing was when I said that line, silence was heard from her…hahaha… I think she got a little disappointed at some point but she never showed.

We head back to her hotel so she could fix her self and get ready for dinner. On the other, I went back to the office to catch up with my emails… YahoOOoo! Finally, I have 200 pcs fresh calling cards on my table, ready to be dispense anytime. I knew this cards will not last. hahaha… 

Tomorrow we’ll have a run through the product and I’ll get the chance to have my own presentation… see whether I want to handle the case or not (it’s my boss decision not mine) and if I don’t like it… We’ll just let the new staff (on process of hiring someone) handle it and see results.

I have to hit the bed now because its been calling me since I arrived. I think no one will ever call me or send and sms, cause since this morning I kept on looking on my cellular and no sms or calls arrived except from those of my colleagues.

Night everyone cause its not a good night nor good day for me.  Just sleep well… don’t forget to pray…

Logical & Aptitude Test

GAANO KATALAS ANG UTAK MO!? BAKA NAMAN MAPUROL NA? HASAIN MO NG  KONTI OK?(no cheating please)SPELL YOUR ANSWERS ON THE COMMENT BOX. enjoy!

1. A man decides to buy a nice horse. He pays $60 for it, and he is very content with the strong animal. After a year, the value of the horse has increased to $70 and he decides to sell the horse. But already a few days later he regrets his decision to sell the beautiful horse, and he buys it again. Unfortunately he has to pay $80 to get it back, so he loses $10. After another year of owning the horse, he finally decides to sell the horse for $90. What is the overall profit the man makes?

2. A bus run at 100 km/hr top speed. It can carry a maximum of 6 persons. If speed of bus decreases in fixed proportion with increase in number of person, find speed when three person are traveling in bus.

3. A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, “twelve.” The member replied, “six” and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, “six.” The member replied, “three” and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said, “ten” and the man replied, “five”. But he was not let in. What should have he said?

4. There are 20 pieces of bread to divide among 20 people. A man eats 3 pieces, woman eats 2 pieces and a child eats half piece of bread. Tell the correct combination of men, women and children so that they are 20 people in total and everyone gets the bread. Note that a man cannot eat less than 3 or more than 3. A woman cannot eat less than 2 or more than 2 and the child cannot eat less than half or more than half piece of the bread. You have to tell there are how may are men, women and children in those 20 people.

5. A cube of side 4cm is painted with 3 colors red, blue and green in such a way that opposite sides are painted in the same color. This cube is now cut into 64 cubes of equal size.

1. How many have at least two sides painted in different colors.
2. How many cubes have only one side painted.
3. How many cubes have no side painted.
4. How many have exactly one side not painted.

6. How many squares are there on a normal chesboard?

7. Three people picked 65 apples altogether. At the first tree they each picked the same number of apples. At the second tree they each picked 3 times as many as they picked at the first tree. When they finished at the third tree, the group had 5 times as many apples as they had when they started at that tree. At the fourth tree the group picked just 5 apples. How many apples did each person pick at the first tree?

8. 4 criminals are caught and are to be punished. The Judge allows them to be freed if they can solve a puzzle. If they do not, they will be hung. They agreed. The 4 criminals are lined up on some steps (shown in picture). They are all facing in the same direction. A wall seperates the fourth man from the other three.

To Summarise

• Man 1 can see men 2 and 3.
• Man 2 can see man 3.
• Man 3 can see none of the others.
• Man 4 can see none of the others.

The criminals are wearing hats. They are told that there are two white hats and two black hats. The men initially don’t know what colour hat they are wearing. They are told to shout out the colour of the hat that they are wearing as soon as they know for certain what colour it is.

• They are not allowed to turn round or move.
• They are not allowed to talk to each other.
• They are not allowed to take their hats off.

Now the question is “Who is the first person to shout out and why?”

9. At a party, everyone shook hands with everybody else. There were 66 handshakes. How many people were at the party?

10. You have to measure exactly 4 liters of water, but you only have a 3-liter bottle and a 5-liter bottle. How do you do it?

woman

To the woman I’d hope to love again,

If you’re the one who’d give me your undying love and care, please let me know before my heart bleeds to death and until it couldn’t love anymore for this heart is tired. Let me experience walking on a bridge, holding hands so tight under the silent dark blue sky at night, passing through its cold breeze. Kiss me like my first time and embrace me, cuddle me like your baby. Keep me in your arms and not letting me go. Be my reason of happiness and the reason I’ll walk you through the church center aisle, facing God almighty sharing “I do’s”.

For now, I’ll be patiently waiting for you to come. In God’s will this will happen. If not… I’ll accept and live my life alone. Still thankful for the experience of life that he has given me…  I may just adopt a child to be called my own that bare my last name…

Sleepless

Bulging red eyes is popping out… Runny nose and sneezing my mucous fluids as well. Haven’t done my dinner. I’m not hungry. I felt tired and sick. I need some blanket… Had enough for today… Oh God, help me get into sleep. 

Can we be friends?

Can we be friends?

Remember the story I told you about my ex’s? We never did get a chance to be friends. Why?  You see, You have been my best friend since we became couple. You have become my strength, my reason to live each day and has given me hope, making me believe that you’ll be mine forever.

Sooner or later I’d be hearing about you dating someone else or flirting with some other guys… How do you want me to react? I don’t want to feel subconsciously you still belongs to me. I don’t want to feel guilty that your not mine. You had made your decision and I’ll make mine. I want to give your new man a chance to love you without the issues from your ex or whoever man that came across your path cause I know how a man would feel if it does.Cause unlucky, you made me feel how it is like.

I’m sorry but as our relationship fall apart, our friendship has been dragged along with it.

We can’t be friends. I’ll be just nobody to you from now on.

Sat-Sun

It was late in the afternoon when I woke around 4:30 that I received an sms from my cousin asking if I want to watch IRONMAN movie at Robinsons Galleria and Bar hoping afterwards with 2 of his younger brothers.I was so depressed for the past few days, caging myself unto this uncolorful room. And so, I called their landline kc tag hirap mode nako sa load and said YES. Got a good seat for a 7:20pm movie. But since we arrived early around 6:40, we decided to grab burgerking. Having grilled BBQ bacon mushroom/melt and medium size HI-C apple for my dinner… Masarap na pla BK.. hahaha.. Kc I never like the taste of it before… Anyways, middle of the movie someone called… (buti nakaalala pa sya)… I was not going to answer it nalang sana cause I cant still get over what happened and what she did. But yes I answered. Dull and cold I talked…and hanged the phone cause I was going back to my seat. A mixture of emotion run into my thoughts, bothering me while watching the movie.

Kung alam mo lang sana kung gaano mo ko nasasaktan sa mga nasasabi mo, kung alam mo lang sana na sobrang lungkot ko, kung alam mo lang sana na hindi ako gaya ng pagkakakilala mo saken before na may babae na kasama, kung alam mo lang sana na hindi ako isang lalaking Pokpok at kung alam mo lang sana lahat lahat… I said to myself… 

I knew from there-on, she sends sms, but until now, I didn’t bother reading her message… why? Cause I know her message could hurt me agian. I was already in pain and wanted to maintain to that level. Baka hindi ko na makayanan if I read her message.

After the movie, Time for the drinking session. We hop to Shell station first para convoy nalang towards Home depot where bars are located. There its annoying that the whole place is large, we couldn’t get any parking slot but finally we did. Hanging out on one of this bars, Catching up with stories and what’s been happening.  I immediately ordered 3 bucket of San Mig lights, 1 pitcher of VODKA BULL and sisig. My cousins orders a bucket of Coors Light.  I wanted to get so drunk but even so, I didn’t have the courage to share the pain to my cousins maybe because I’m the kind of person who kept stories to myself.

Having myself so drunk, one of the my youngest cousin who’s with us told us that he is playing poker… The real poker… So I ask how, where, when. He said, there’s been a tournament like that is being held at Metrowalk now til the end of MAY. So I said, ok let’s try playing after this session.

It was already 1 am when we paid for the bills and opt we go to Metrowalk. There it was organized by pagcor pala… No tables available when we arrived. It was full of gamblers as we waiting to be called for our seats. 

Guess what? I WON! hahaha… by how much?… P90 pesos! hahaha… yeah, I know you’d laugh! hahaha… pero naman I was loosing the deal so I decided to stand up cause I know its not my lucky day. tapos senglot pako, my eyes are pretty closing up and was thinking that maybe I was drunk. Afterward I decided to go home around 2:30am. ahead of my cousins since they were still playing and winning I hope. Arriving at home at 3:00 medyo bangag.. I ran in this room and lay my back on the bed. openning my door just incase my mom wokes up and said Let’s go for the Manaoag Trip. 

Pro un nga, siguro since they notice I was drunk, they were thinking of not pushing through with the trip. So ayun natulog nalang ako ng diretso without changing my clothes.

Woke around 1:00pm today, had my lunch (Lomi soup) made by my mom. and here blogging. 

blank

A part of our house, a room that has once witnessed the laughter of a couple. Watching the past virtually like a movie scene. Playing back old times. As I watch this now showing scene, I smile for a while then tears fall. I noticed that this room which is so colorfull become dull and turns to grey. Seeing a man laying down on his bed. So quiet he wants, he sleeps. Embracing his pillows like he imagines embracing his someone.  Dreaming of thoughts for as he travels on his dreams, he’ll smile and say “I’m happy”.

Speaking to myself

For the past few days until now I felt weakness. I wanted to go to a place where I could cry and release the pain. Its getting heavier each day it passes by… Im disoriented and blunt with my utterwords. Anyone just can’t paint the sadness on my face. My breath stuck on my chest waiting to be released.

With my unpeaceful mind I was hoping that I’ll be blessed this sunday and days to come. I hope I get the peace of mind. Guess what? my family is planning for church visit in pangasinan (manaoag) this sunday and an overnight at baguio (if not ok lang). An hour drive from Manaoag. I’ll pray for sure…

I’m happy in a way that we will be having a family bonding just old times.

Ok now, I need to sleep not much to blog… coz im emotionally crying inside already…

Goodnight, sweetdreams my guardian angel. please be at my side specially during the time of my weakness…

Just want to share… (LET’s PARTEEEE)

David Guetta Feat. Kelly Rowland - When Love Takes Over

Sunday afternoon

Haay.. boring talaga ang sunday for me…. I don’t want to attend mass either, why? I don’t know. I’m not in the mood. So here I’am after the task im into within this past few days until yesterday, while you were sleeping and dreaming - I’am playing Microsoft Flight Simulator X at the same time blogging a little words. I used to study this pilot thing but for one semester lang during my college years. I was so frustrated to be a pilot. hahaha.. It was expensive, I tell you it is… Paying for the runway & traffic, gasoline, plane etc… Reluctant I was during that time, I transferred to another university. This time, forgetting for a while the insanity of being a pilot. I tried to be involved in the business area. Testing my agility on the business side. And now, parang gusto ko ulit gawin yung frustrated dream ko… Unfortunately, I know its impossible now because of budget constraint. But there is still hope.. HOW? joining the AIRFORCE lang naman (NO way!)… hahaha…  I hate the ROTC during college eto pa kaya!? hahaha… actually I never experience the ROTC thing… nagbigay nalang ako ng BLUE Label sa commander ata yun for me to be excused. hahaha.. anyways.. I’ll play nalang muna… 

GISING KA NA! Tulog mantika ka ha… Call me when your up!

Behind the happy go lucky..

Big guy do cry…Behind those happy memories here again is a sad face. Eyebugs popping out. Tears falling… 

No one to talk too.. I needed someone to catch this tears away for every tears it falls, weight of pain dissappears (i hope).

I needed you…

Weekly Report

For this week until next week I know I’ll be very busy. Just today, I went to a client visit within the QC and Manila area with this Malaysian visitor and it was so tiring. I don’t know if he’s just so stupid or what but I prepare him for the worst and previously encountered questions that was battered upon me. Tackling the issue on the car, at first he tried to make me believe that he’s the one in control of the situation. So I just ammend all what he says… Then judgement time comes, he it goes, the warning I was telling him was asked.. He was star strucked! Second time around… question hit him again… (STRIKE 2) hahaha…. one last shot and your out! LOL

Now tomorrow’s schedule, Flight to Cebu at 8am for a meeting.. guess what? Were both going! 11am-1st client visit, 12:30-1:30 lunch meeting with JTL, 2:00pm-2nd client visit and 3:00pm would be our last client. 6:30pm same day back to manila.

Friday schedule would be whole day in the office as my boss from thailand is conducting a meeting for the team and guess what again… The Malay visitor is also joining the table and in the afternoon he’s leaving for Malaysia… 

Saturday schedule? None so far… Wrap up of the friday’s meeting I guess. Reports/liquidation (yahooo)

Monday of next week is totally different… PQ event at Re***ssance  Hotel in Makati. 50 participants coming. 

Tuesday -  REPORTS

Wednesday - Client Visit again and again

Mahaba habang Inglesan toh! kelangan madaming bala! Preparing for the worst scenario. Tpos sasabayan pa nitong lecheng pagibig! pucha!

ANG PINAKA-LAHAT!

SA LAHAT NG AYOKO GINAGAGO AKO!

SA LAHAT NG AYOKO PINAGMUMUKA AKONG TANGA!

SA LAHAT NG AYOKO YUNG TAONG PLASTIK MAGRASON AT MAKIPAGUSAP!

SA LAHAT NG AYOKO WALANG PAKI-ALAM!

AT ANG PINAKA SA LAHAT NA AYOKO EH KUPAL NA TAO!

Giving up

It’s hard that sometimes I’m struggling, dealing different situation in life. I can’t think straight anymore because of this difficulties that God has poured upon me. I felt like turning back on everything I have - My family, girlfriend, friends, present job, Lucy & Lua, run away in a place that I could live my life anew.

Sometimes, they are all that I can think of…

I felt like I was left in a dark room, finding my way alone in a dark room.  If someone’s there, please hold my hand so tight and let me feel that you’re there telling me that everythings gonna be alright. Coz this would give me strength to move-on and give me hope.

All Girls breaks my heart…

It was back in 1998, I was on my 2nd year College ata… that I fell inlove with a Fil-Malay girl I met at Hardrock Cafe in Makati. It was an ordinary Gimik night. Having fun, drinking beers with my male highschool friends. When somewhat, a group of ladies ask for a dance. Just Hello and exchanging names. Simple sms using the old cellular (nokia 5110 soon was replaced by Nokia 7110) we chat. I think few days later, she invited me to join her for a dinner at their house in makati. There I found out that she and her family is not just an ordinary people. They’re too rich kumbaga… Her family is part owner of this international airline and had a couple of businesses here in Manila. It did’nt bother me at first. To cut the story short, she was then leaving the following month because she’s still in highschool and studying in malaysia. There I spend alot buying prepaid loads just to call her. Fair enough, she did the same… She even send letters at my doorstep and introduced me to her siblings. I remember that once I’ve talked with her younger sister… But soon the love that we had lasted for only 5 months.

A year later, I was addicted to this internet chat using MIRC as a tool. There I met my 2nd Girlfriend. About her family? Well her mom has this business which they kept me from knowing. Her dad naman was a phsycian of San Miguel Corp. Often I see her dad. Ang nakakagulat lang was her Tita pla happens to be my mom’s co-worker before she resigned which I just knew when they asked me about my family background. Our relationship as usual didn’t get far.Jst the same we lasted for about 5 to 6 months.

Before we broke up, within those months I was falling for another girl from baguio. And here is the story… In 2000, I met her through a friend  from college who went back to baguio and decided to continue his studies there. Well she was introduced to me via sms. Asking me to send an sms (textmate kumbaga). I was never into it, really… But what the hell? I also found out that she was also chatting on the same channel at MIRC where I met my 2nd Girl. The thing was at 1st she was also teasing me with another classmate cause I was texting also the other one.. (hahaha pokpok pako nun). About her family? A Family of Doctors, Politicians. Continuing the story… Not so long we became so close, We officially became a couple. To the extent  that I even save my Baon, not eating just to go at baguio every week and spend my weekends there just to see her. It was so fun as the year passes by. Touring a couple of Cities and places within luzon & visayas with my family, if not her whole clan. She went here in manila to continue her studies in medicine.

(BEING A BAD BOYFRIEND…)

Through  the years, in 2005 our relationship was tested. I made a wrong move cheating her with my colleague from work. So why did I do it? because I was tired of the fights that we are having. I wanted to have peace and wanted to feel that everything that Iam doing is much appreciated. She found out what we had and I didn’t attempt to cover the story… She got mad at me… But with all the bad things I’ve done for her she remain visible. Fighting for what we had… As a result, I decided to give up my colleague and take chances back with her.

(SHE BECAME A BAD GIRLFRIEND)

In 2007 of October the last day I saw her with another man. I felt cheated but she didn’t admit. But guess what? A month after they were a couple. There I gave up everything.. Losing the battle. This relationship lasted for 7 years.

8 months Jobless-No lovelife or what so ever… I tried to regain myself. Battling the stages in life. Realizes where am I at that point.

Early in 2009, I saw this another girl, from my previous company at friendster and ask her for a coffee. Just to catch up with the stories of our lives. I knew at that point that she got this long time boyfriend so I’m not that expecting so much.Just having fun on what I have and enjoying the moment. Not so long we became called couples. We never had this arguement at all for 5 months. Many would agree and think shes the perfect girl a man who would asked to marry because she got it all.  Yes I also agree on their statement but its different on my situation. Things aren’t  going right for me even it’s right for others.Yes I would never tell a lie that once in a while I enjoyed the company of hers. There’s something lacking… 

July of 2009, A new younger girl I met from the office. I felt inlove again… Run through of our story is here at utterwords.i.ph.

Everyone just having fun breaking my heart. Please don’t be to harsh cause this vunerable heart could break into pieces again and left me with no space to love again. 

We are considered Endangered Species

Not many girls appreciate nice guys like me… (bawal kumontra hahaha) anymore..
And because of this, there are not many left out there… Lucky you if you have me!

Holy Week

APRIL 1, I arrived 6am via PAL. Stepping my foot for the 2nd time in this I called 2nd home. Just in time as I was leaving the gate of the airport, there she was passing by. I hop in agad cause waiting area was already full. Went straight at their house so I could take a rest and sleep cause I haven’t slept since March 31 night. Excited I’am kase. hahaha… Moving on… Haven’t done so much that day cause I woke up ata around 4pm na. And I was mabiglang nagising cause I just remember that I’m not sleeping on my own bed and I’m on from someone’s house… Nakakahiya man, I went down to take a leak. There her mom was preparing food… I was shy paren 2nd time around… Ang bait kase nya saken, and I think boto na talaga sila saken hahaha.. wlang kokontra… anyway.. had dinner together for my 1st night.

April 2, We were looking for a place to go. Good thing her dad/mom lend us the SUV so much we won’t be traveling by cab or jeepney.. mainit kase magikot ikot. Zipline we plan, but ended just watching hahaha… honestly I was also scared zipping myself in between 2 mountains and river on its middle. yaiks.. hahaha… Mamatay ako nito… Anyway there’s no way to describe it when you haven’t tried it yet. 5pm it is, and was about to close so we decided nalang to go back the next day. Coffee mode nalang muna kami that night. Forgot the place but I loved the Shamrock mocha if my memory reminds me right. 

April 3, Seagull. Nice place… (I tought cottages looks familiar with the roosters house hahaha… because its triangular) A long drive with her 2 college friends, we sneak into this trail on neverending zigzag road and unfamiliar place. hahaha… Felt like I was on top of the world. Thick clouds cruising the road. Pressure on my ear I felt just like when I was still into diving the open water seas. Haay… “Kalingaw” (bisaya word) oh ha? hahaha… Had our lunch.. Funny cause we didn’t intentionally want to order this Packed Value Meal but we did cause it sounds a great deal on their menu. hahaha… To our dismay it was a TRUE VALUE MEAL. hahaha… Ambiance was really beautiful. Taken some shots, on their cliffs $ other interesting sites. Golf course is still in progress but was open for guest.Time to went home… HALA! SUV doesn’t want to start. hahaha… I was confuse what to do at that time coz I was the one driving. I check the battery but still no luck. Buti nalang manong guard and the mascolados of SeaGull is their to the rescue.. Tulak and kadyot mode. hahaha… Broom broom… ayos umandar na… I press the gas pedal hard so it won’t choke. Going back to the city, inside the SUV-Silent there was… I was talking to myself that they may be all tired hahaha… buti nga.. hahaha…

April 4, Easter Sunday (Bonding Time) - It was my 1st to celebrate easter sunday with her family. Woke up at 4am for the special mass. 10am, a pre-birthday / easter celebration at one of thier known beaches… hehehe… Mama (her mom) cook delicious food talaga, dami ko nakain that lunch… as in.. I still want more but there’s no more room, hehehe… Dinner at the comfort of their home, Inihaw na panga (tuna) and spareribs, adobo & afritada yung ulam… Para may fiesta sila luto parati noh? hahaha… Uuhmm.. Sooooo Yummy talaga luto.

9:30 pm went to Gaisano Mall to watch “Babe I love you” in this special cinema daw nila… hahaha… yes nanonood din ako ng tagalog movies. pro normally sa internet lang pro now, since I have someone to watch with… kahit sa cinema ok naren. While watching I was laughing at her because when I turned to check her if she was ok, there she was crying… HAHAHA… but i like it. she’s cute seeing her having her tears watching this movie. Bet she enjoyed it. Hope she does. 

That night was superb.

April 5, Happy Birthday! - File my leave for work to spend this special and important date in my life. Dinner at this fine chinese resto. Dami din ako nakain nito. hahaha… Getting to talked and had a good laugh with her family, specially with her siblings. Ang kukulit kse nila. hahaha…

April 6, Dah! ako naman ang aalis. hahaha… back to manila by morning 8:50 via PAL. Ayoko talaga ng feeling ng iniiwan at nangiiwan… I was holding my tears and heart so I would’nt break down into tears specially if there’s her dad watching us. hahaha… Honestly I was so touched by her dad, cause I knew her dad didn’t leave until they saw me enter the gate of the airport. Why I said this? because when I looked around before I entered the gate, I saw them still waiting and I thought “siguro her dad thought that “R” wanted to see me til the last minute and that this is only what he can do for her daughter seeing her happy.”

haay…

Paglapag na paglapag ng plane sa NAIA my phone rang… my colleague was calling… sms flooding.. hahaha… back to work, back to reality, back to the world of secrets.

MARCH

So what am I doing lately?Well, Iv’e been stuck with loads of works at my office. Working out on my reports that has to be submitted on or before its due date. Guess what? I’m not done yet. hahaha… Travel alot outside the outskirts of Makati lately for a business meeting for 3 weeks. Between those days that I have not posted,  I somewhat visited this blogsite and my other 1st blogsite if there are new comments or violent reactions. So far so good!

Anyway, highlights for the month of MARCH, yes its still a roller coaster. One day were ok, the next day were not. What I’m trying right now is to think and reverse the negative perspective to a positive one. Looking at it as a perfect couple, couping with their differences. Having its own blend of taste…  Spending March 13 with a movie at eastwood city.

March 14 Morning… watching Pacquiao vs Clottey Fight via PLDT Watchpad attached to LCD TV - Pacman Won again.  Afternoon- Pre-Monthsary celebration. We hop to Enchanted kingdom… First ride - I forgot its name hahaha… 2nd The spaceshuttle. As it loops, twists and turns… my hun was screaming so loud. me too.. bleeh..  I though she would throw up hahaha… because at first she was the one who is urging me to take a shot. then what? what?… Wala… Sisiw lang pala yun eh (yabang lang) hahaha… Then what I hate most is the carousel. Nahilo talaga ko ng sobra… then I was taking a photo pa while it spins. haay… Scary ride that I really hate was this JUNGLE LOG… Open air - No harness wood like casket. Diving your guts out on a 15ft then 75ft slide. Plunging you in this cold water. Seeing a photo of us screaming for our lives. No wonder there are only few or almost none who’s taking the dare. Anyway… one of the ride we enjoyed most was the Rio Grande… We rode it ata mga 6x until it closes hahaha.. Sitting on this 8 seater rubber… flown into a wild man made river. Never catched the fireworks though cause we bought dinner outside the park and drove in to shell jollibee for a drivetru. Overall 2 days was full of Fun and happiness. This just reminded me that we are all kids at heart.

March 15. Day of our monthsary. this was supposed to be  fun right? Clock ticking… Morning fast approaching… There she leaves again and said goodbye.

Missing her kisses and embraces.

Getting back to our own world of reality. Living in the world of secrets.

Saturday

Finally after 3 weeks, Lucy was delivered at our doorstep. There she was smiling…very white… shiny, detailed & Clean…  I got to hit the road around 10pm, carefull that I won’t hurt her. Along EDSA I tried to speed up alittle in a 90 to 100 kph if she’s in the perfect condition for a longdrive. And there she was cruising silently on an idle engine. hearing winds blow by blow my ears. hehehe… Fast forwarding the story, got my self a Cafe Americano at Starbucks while waiting for my cousins SMS. We’re going out that night. unfortunately, he’s still supervising a work contract from SOUTHGATE Mall. Therefore leave me with no choice but to wait. After a few hours we decided to go at the back of METROWALK where there are still bars open. I ordered a pitcher of VODKA BULL as a starter and a bucket of beer to follow. Calamares to balance the taste. I was so drunk. I just couldn’t open my eye lids straight. My eyes are rolling… Vodkabull is the perpetraitor… Arrived at home early morning the next day around 7:30 am. just in time for breakfast.. No power… LOWBAT nako. so I decided to sleep without clothes. hahaha…

Cooling - off, Space, Breaking - Up in a Relationship

Are there any BEST word/s to best describe “Cooling-off, Space, Breaking-up” in a relationship? This maybe an easy definition by Instinct right? This may also depends on how you define each and every situation in a different scenario’s.

All priveledge knots between you and your partner are placed in a section wherein it pauses for until when it’ll play again… We don’t know when.  Both would most probably feel unpleased of this situation. These are facts that both have to deal with and try to accept.

Does Cooling-off and space salvage the relationship?

I don’t think so.. unless otherwise, after a day of no communication, here come’s your partner running back to you asking to give a chance. Regardless of times your partner asked for it… the I can say I’ll flip my bet on YES but for now my bet is still NO! hehehe… High risk are at stake in the situation and it’s crucial. Every action and words counts.

Anyway,  Me always believing that there’s NO such word as cooling-off or asking for a stupid space because I always think of it as sugar-coating an upcoming and inevitable break-up. Speaking substitute words that is more pleasant to the hearings of your partner.  I don’t know why I can’t change this belief in me, maybe it was already set-up to disregard other explanations and definitions. Maybe because I was traumatize? hmm… I haven’t assess myself yet. 

YO!… don’t judge me ok? this is just me sharing my thoughts…

Stressed

What I’m going through right now is a pretty tough one. I’m emotionally & environmentally stressed. With all this… I just want to run away and hide myself in a place of unknown. A place where I can kept my dreams ALIVE. A place that I wish I could hear and sing my own music and lyrics. A place I could smile and worry free, A place where few people same as I continuously looking for peace in life. A place perfectly called HOME.

Im not good at handling this kind of situations at the same time… I just couldn’t have my focus in place. I’m disturb…

Exactly 3:59Am

It’s exactly 3:59 AM and I still couldn’t sleep. My eyes are tired yet my brain is working. I’ve just finished watching this movie from a website which broadcast filipino movies online… (smile) I could still remember the day I watched a movie alone at Promanade Greenhills… 

Moving-on…

oOh Yes! As early as now… I’m so excited that I’ll be going out of the country again. Goodthing it’s not thailand again… Recently I booked a flight for 3 to Macau-HongKong from 18th to the 23rd of July. And I think there’s another one who’s going to join us on this trip (A friend of my special someone). I was so sceptic about this at 1st because of the expenses that tagged along with it . But yes I decided to push through. hehehe… There are still 9 payrolls to save to shoulder the expenses. My mom and ate are also planning to do the same trip but I guess from a different date. Sayang lang kasewe can’t avail of Mama & Ate’s treat for foods hehehe… (so sige lang GO na GO na toh!)

Besides, this is the 1st time i’ll be flying out of the country with my special someone. Place to stay in hongkong is almost a-ok as I seek help from my colleauge who went that recently and stayed in a cheap hostel/Inn… The problem I’m having is in Macau… we haven’t thought where we could stay in as much as PHP 500-700/head  Inn/Hostel. Because I was thinking of stretching every cent for food and travel for the attractions, transpo etc. and pay less on the Inn/Hostel (Budget constraints…hahaha…) I hope everything will come to a perfectly as planned.. actually there is no plan. Biglaan lang… hahaha…

 Have to hit the bed… sakit na ng leeg ko and my back is asking for laydown…

Ciao

My LUCY!

2 weeks ago… Lucy was rushed to the emergency Talyer.. Why? because there’s a sqeeking sound coming under her hood. A whooping cost totalling to a 13k was estimated for her operation. (OUCH!) Buti nalang there’s Mama & Papa who sponsored Lucy’s operation because they knew that my salary is just enough for my expenses… So as the operation Talyer goes for 3 days…

Ang swerte naman talaga ni LUCY… at that very moment after that operation she was also re-worked and repaintd to revive her color and ego. Just when I thought Lucy was going to be place in a KILO machine in a junkshop (hahaha…) there’s my parents to the rescue.

Going on its 3rd week, I haven’t seen Lucy since then. I miss her so much… But without Lucy, I’m on commute/lakad mode… Tinitiis ang init ng araw sa umaga pagpumapasok sa office. Riding a 3 jeepney and a tricycle.. plus dealing with badtrip na pasahero na ayaw magabot ng bayad sa driver… But hey, there’s also a positive effect on this event.. I found out that I saved almost 500/week for my parking slot and 1k for my gasoline/week. Oh ha?! a big savings nga naman… 

In Contrary…

Excited I’am, after more than 40 days she came!.. A day after, I asked my parents if she could stay at our house to save from those fancy hotels in makati or ortigas. I waited at total gas station infront of NAIA for almost an hour for a call that plane has landed. I rushed between block 7 where she waited for my grand entrance (bwahaha…). There she was standing with a trolly cart with one big lugage as if she was staying for a whole month or so… hahaha…

Anyway, she looks awesome pretty & sexy (kase according to her, she’s been working out DAW!?)… as if I haven’t seen her for so long that I’ve been longing for everything from that sweet soft kisses and warmth of her embraces.

We were just looking at each other…holding hands… seating right next to me, we tease each other with silly things, thanking her that she came after what had happened days before february 13th. We head ourselves to our 1st stop at rockwell. Letting her pick a movie of her choice. “Valentines Day” - A good choice I must say! I almost forgot that she hasn’t taken her lunch yet, so we grab ourselves a quick merienda at Jolibee (tidip Mode) hahaha but actually I was afraid that we won’t have space for dinner if we ate in a resto… After the movie… A short walk at rockwell, our foot left us infront of GRAMS… Reminisce the day where we 1st had our lunch together. Unfortunately, the resto was full… 

So we grab lucy and head to our next stop. “Hersheys Kisses (with almonds) and Cadbury” a present I received from her. There’s nothing more cheezzzzy-yer than this… She opens a kisses, holding it with her fingers and slowly aiming for my watery mouth (hahaha jowk!)… Funny thing was… she almost eat everything (yeah you could say she loves chocolates) hahaha…

Moving on… Good thing parking at Serendra is easier. Lucky we got a slot. Have ourselves with a cajun chicken fingers, a shrimp & chicken pasta and icetea for late dinner at T.G.I.Fridays… having a good conversation about alot of things that is happening around the world were living in… We even talked a group of teenagers who lacks some attention that I get irritated because of being maarte and pasosyal!… After being “bundat”. Now I’m not sure what been going-on in between her mind. Because we are heading to my place now.  its now or never…She kept on asking me if my parents really allows her to stay there for a couple of days… I know she’s also worried about the what if’s… So to keep her spirit up high, so high as the sky… I told her… It’s okay.. they’ll will like you.. I SWEAR!

Since this was the 1st time she’ll meet my parents… I was also scared but not worried. Because of my own reason! Openning the main door… there was mama waiting for us… maybe waiting for her pomelo hahaha…while papa was already sleeping at the room cause its already past 11pm. There she sit right next to mama for a couple of minutes before I asked her to get-in the room to fix herself and her luggage so she could take a goodnight rest…

ZzzzzZZZzzzzzzZZZz! (Ang lakas ng hilik ng taong toh oh!) hahaha…

Next morning, it’s now VALENTINE’s DAY!  I have no fancy roses, tangeable things to give but myself… I started to slowly open my eyes and 1st thing I could see is her besides me (yawn & stretching)… Goodmorning! Happy VALENTINE’s DAY!!! I said… Oh mama prepared breakfast for us…Papa was already awake.. Finally! she met papa… ate on the other hand was stuck on the room watching television. It was already past 3:30pm that we decided to get prepared. I got to treat everyone with this… Bought a 5 VIP ticket for the PyroMusical at Mall of Asia… Too bad my sister weren’t there cause she’s so tired and need to sleep daw… so I,she,mama,papa gets to have some quality time together.. spending the whole sunday afternoon til evening together.

As usual, traffic was heavy sunday that February 14th. Not worrying about my parking lot cause we have a special parking space at MOA.

Availing the expenses of dinner mama & papa paid for our dinner… hahaha… this is why its nice to bring mama and papa cause they pay for the food… Chicken wings,Bolonese, pizza for our simple dinner at Don Henrico’s… almost 7 pm.. because of the long cue line on the entrance for the pyromusical, I & she went at the back where we found this non-official entrance for ticket holders… so I called mama and papa to follow.

As the music play & fireworks, lights the dark blue sky we hold our hands so tight. Speaking to myself and thanking God for that wonderful day & all that I want is to bring back the good memories and re-live our relationship…

We head home, Blunt I’am… thinking… Tomorrow’s is our 6th monthsary… and the day she needs to fly back to her own place… 

That night I waited til 12:01am February 15, and greeted her “HAPPY MONTHSARY!”… Time is fast approaching 7:55am… the day I wish she had stayed more and longer… But I know after 30days we’ll see each other again… waiting patiently as it approaches…     

QUOTE

“You will never fail until you stop trying! I’ll make it in life!”

Quote I’m starting to digged in to myself!

My Day, My own experience of Life

After having slept last night without me knowing, I woke up around 3:05 am. Looking on my cellular for any messages, then I tried to sleep again.Remember the movie “EXORCIST” that the main character from that movie actually wakes in between 3:00 - 3:30 am frequently? Yes it’s does happen to me…. I started experiencing this strange act  since I was a child and til now it is happening. I wake up between those times without any reason. Am I being paranoid because sometimes I think there was someone with me in my room that wakes me up and just disappear once I open my eyes. I hope I’m not the next “Emily Rose”. I may  not be a religious person  and haven’t attended mass frequently but I do believe in GOD. Anyway just wanted to share this experience.

Moving on…

 I woke around 9:00am but wanted to feel and embrace my soft pillow… thinking about alot of things thats happening in my life. Questions of What if’s floating blunt in my mind. Suddenly I remember I really have to get up and get ready to fix myself. I have to see some clients and a presentation to one account. 

10:20am, need to take my brunch because I knew today is going to be hell busy for me and I can’t afford to take even a minute break, because time is crucial. Needed to make sure that I embark some documents to 1st customer before lunch break. 

I drove lucy within city around past 11 am and the traffic was moving like a carousel. I shifted corner to corner looking for the fastest way around without me knowing where the road will lead me. hehehe..

Turning off my radio because I wanted peace inside. LUCY  & I drove to Bonifacio Global City for my 2 pm presentation. Arrived too early around 1pm, so I decided to sit at the lobby, hooked my laptop on the Wi-Fi and prepare everything. Making sure I’m ready to answer all those questions that could possibly asked.

3:15 pm I headed to basement 3 to get LUCY. Together we drove again to a prospect account in Pasig. Good thing though, there’s no traffic at C5 Road. Arrived around before 4 pm. Look for this person whom I never met and try to negotiate. I asked the nurse, she replied unfortunately, he was not around and was not having his office today, But this morning he was because they have this conference.. I guess he already left. You could come back on Friday morning if you want.. “oOOHH this is BAD!” I said to myself… (Stupid I’am, I just missed calling him yesterday) 

So people! Learn from this! Don’t every try to go to see someone specially without appointment…  It’s practically wise if you set an appointment and organize yourself… hahaha… just speaking to myself…

Okay! I’m done. get to go home early… yehey… 4:30 I went home. But along the way my stomach is asking for food. I pass by Jolibee Pioneer and have my drive tru for a spag/burger and cola. yum yum… wish lucy  can eat so I could put someting on her mouth… Too bad she only take gasoline, oil, water, breakfluid for her diet. hahaha..

This has been the day for me. FEBRUARY 09, 2010.

Goodbye for now…

It’s hurts!

To answer your question, Yes it hurts. It hurts deep… so deeply I just couldn’t describe how I feel right now. You have no idea how you’d reminded me of the things I want to forget. How painful it was for me. How difficult it was back then. How I fought alone and try to regain my confidence to myself. Congrats.. you’ve succeeded.

KARMA? Yes I won’t deny. But I already suffered those days… but I guess it isn’t enough right? You wanted me to suffer more… then Wish for me that I’d die tragiclly. Crashing my car head-on with a 16wheeler truck would do. Or maybe a stab on my heart will do so I would die so quick without feeling any pain…. Somehow this would end your delimma… if still not, burn me…  

Can Romantic Partners Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

Don’ts

Do’s

Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

I have found myself reading this on the internet and wanted to share it with YOU! yes its YOU! A reader…

 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

Art of Letting Go

 I’m sorry if I came into your life. A life originally without me in the picture. A life that you are comfortable and happy…  I wonder how my life would be if I haven’t invited you for a coffee… It happen so quickly that my hearts wins, impulse beats so fast that it overcome my mind… Many times you showed me you loved me and I Thank you because I felt loved by you in such a way you know. But soon the cold breeze wind pass by me… Feeling makes me blue, alone and 2nd best.

 Last night was the night I hear your last voice… Wish i had recorded that one on my other fone..

Maybe you wouldn’t believe me but the love I felt for you is boarderless, unmeasurable and incomparable to others… dreaming always my life with you, heading to a happy never ending… Just so… you surrender…  I guess the love that you felt for me is not the love you define… that

As my hopes of “forever” fades away… I wish that together it drags the tears and pain it had caused.  Right now, I’m having a hard time dealing with the situation. For the whole day, my mind pauses as I don’t want to believe its over. That it’s now time to say my last goodbye. Teary eyes I face every people I passes by. I can’t help but think… Do I deserve this kind of pain for the 2nd time? Even though I think that everything is going to be alright, it will be tough… But I need to try… I don’t have a choice.

Watching this video makes my knees shake as if I’ll drop on the floor that it made even a man cry.

And this are my utter words… The art of Letting Go…

???

How does it feels to be special? - I felt I’m alone.

Why is it I feel like I’m always the second best? - I don’t want to compete nor compared the scenario with her male friends… but i just couldn’t take it anymore…  I felt that she’s more happy making jokes and having fun with them instead of she sharing and wanting to exchange jokes with me. I don’t want to be selfish but she’s all I got. If she’s not around I’m like a tiny feather floating in the air waiting to fall and hope that someone gives attention.

When can I say to myself that I’m totally no negative comments? - I’am not looking for a perfect person because an imperfect person may somehow be the perfect one for me.

What would it be for the next couple of months? - Let it be in God’s will…

Busy As a Bee

How busy is busy for me today… 9:00am had to meet & pick a client at intercon makati. Lucy is not around because of a coding  so I had to ride 2 jeepneys and squeeze myself in a jam packed MRT. Walk a few steps from the MRT Ayala station… and whaALaa… i’ve reached the hotel. My colleague was already there seating beside the publisher. I was dunted with what lies ahead today because honestly my mind was not in to service the publisher… my mind was floating around thinking about my presentation at UP-PGH with  Chancellor and Deans of colleges and of course how to make an excuse to the publisher that I may not join them for lunch because I had to attend to some other things… luckly he, take the bait.

 Crossing my fingers hope he won’t spill that to our boss’s since he’s flying to Bankok and  Chiang-Mai.

I’ll be over you (hopefully i will)

I’ll Be Over You - TOTO
Some people live their dreams
Some people close their eyes
Some people’s destiny
Passes by

There are no guarantees
There are no alibis
That’s how our love must be
Don’t ask why

It takes some time
God knows how long
I know that I can forget you

As soon as my heart stops breakin’
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I’ll be over you

Remembering times gone by
Promises we once made
What are the reasons why
Nothing stays the same

There were the nights holding you close
Someday I’ll try to forget them
Someday I’ll be over you

One last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken heart Are mending on the shelf I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do But have one last cry Chorus: One last cry, before I leave it all behind I�ve gotta put you outta my mind this time Stop living a lie I guess I�m down to my last cry Cry…… I was here, you were there Guess we never could agree While the sun shines on you I need some love to rain on me Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do But have one last cry Chorus: One last cry, before I leave it all behind I�ve gotta put you outta my mind this time Stop living a lie I know I gotta be strong Cause round me life goes on and on and on And on….. I�m gonna dry my eyes Right after I had my One last cry Chorus: One last cry, before I leave it all behind I�ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time Been living a lie I guess I�m down I guess I�m down I guess I�m down… To my last cry…

Just me talking to myself

You promise you love me & even told me that you can’t live without me. Now it has reached the end. After 4 months, you decide to leave me… dumped me the same 7 years did. Yes I’ll cry and don’t know when it would stop… Pain crawling down into my spine… sleepless night, warm red popping eyebugs during morning seeing myself on the mirror. Jan 2, as i hold my 1st foot outside your doorstep, wanting to stay… Carrying my lauggage… I Never thought that it was the last embraces, The last sweetest kisses i’ll have and the last i could see your eyes. Wish I stayed more, wish I had embraces and kisses you more.
As you prepare to pack the watch I gave you and return it back… Everything that you gave me, i’ll keep. I’ll embrace the pillow as if it was you. Holding still the picture puzzle you gave me on my desk for I won’t forget about you. keeping in mind that you have my heart and you’ll always will.
I’m sorry if I have hurt you. For the tears I had cause.
Thank You so much and to your family for the warmest and so different acceptance that your family gave me. I know its hard to tell them now what happen but soon maybe they’ll know. Reading back all your text messages made my tears fall.
BTW Thanks for giving the camera a Name… “LUA” - I liked it. I’ll call it LUA from now on.
I’ll just visit this blogsite. For me to be reminded that once there has been called US TOGETHER!

Hey, don’t worry about me ok? I’ll be fine after all the tears maybe…somehow… i’ll be fine.
Goodbye R _ _ _. you will always be in a special place in my heart and no one can take your place. I LOVE YOU STILL!

F*ck1nG G00Dbies!

Don’t look back when you head for the door. Cuz if you do it’ll hurt even more Don’t stop to explain , don’t tell me why. If your going to leave just tell me good bye .I love you , I need you but I’ll make it alone! I miss you , I want you but I’ll hold my own. Because I can’t make you love just one guy like me. So if your going to leave just tell me goodbye !!!!

Gifts for Christmas

2 weeks ago… I asked my sister if she’s planning to buy a camera this december and she answered YES. So, I was thinking why don’t we buy DSLR camera instead. Oh yes! Driving along EDSA on our way to Mall of Asia, My mom and my sister was looking at the brochure I got at  last Nov. 30, the day before my Birthday with ssshhh…. (you know who you are) at Tiendesitas Canon SALE… I was being a salesman at that point to my sister hahaha… undecided on which to buy - Nikon D5000 or Canon 500D. I decided to seek help from sssssssshhhhh… because I was asking about the cheapest price features.. what is the best camera etc… But then after dinner, starbucks, a long hour of confusion and a long hour stairing at Nikon and Canon, we finally make the decision because its getting late and mall hours was about to end. We rush from store to store where I found the Canon  500D but lucky im not - there’s NO STOCK! I was getting frustrated as minute passes by that we might not get hold of the camera that night. Eh kumbaga excited na excited nako nun. hahaha… So ikot lang sa ibang store.. then whaaLaa! there’s a stock of both Nikon D5000 and Canon 500D. I got the chance to compare, try, point and shoot… but leaning more on Canon. hahaha… Of Course Canon is Canon…No. 1 DSLR kumbaga. hehehe… We got it for 49,990 with kit, a 3 yr warranty from canon and crumbler strap (idedeliver daw directly sa house but til now wla paren… SAMOK!) anyways…. Yes WE got our 1st camera and it was the 1st DSLR camera we had. YAHOOO!!!

After a week… Microwarehouse had this END YEAR SALE on gadgets.. Last Dec. 13, 2009.. I went to Silvercity (Besides Tiendesitas) to take a look because Im looking for TREO 750 (2007 release) since November as a gift for my self . Luckily there are 4 stocks piled on the table. This items are used but can be considered  as bnew coz it was only used by product presentor for one of their demo’s. Not bad for a P9,990 Smartphone… Considering that all accessories are included. Unopenned headset,buds, charger, car charger, manuals, CD, datacable of course the yellowish box (natambak na siguro nila sa warehouse hehehe). What’s not included on the box are Screen Protector and mini SD card that i have to buy separately and cost me around 400 more. But then, Im happy that I’ve got one for myself kahit na phase out na sya sa market because it was replaced by TREO PRO (24k).

Kasinungalingan!

You always tells me you know what to do.

You always tells me you would’nt hurt me.

You always tells me that you hope happiness would not be over.

You always ask me not to confront you.

You always ask me to understand you.

But what the hell are you doing?!

Kneel I’ll do

 

Nov. 13, 2009

07:24:40AM

I thNk we’re betTer ofF aS frnds..cguro nman kya q n un gAmpananng mabuti..prO lOve kta maxado..dOnt ever thNk na ndi…

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Nov. 13, 2009

6:12:57 AM

D q na gud kya mkpgtxt **y… masakit maxado…i.off q n fone q ha, d nq mgreply ever.. salamat **y ha…love man tlga kta bAh.. kso d ka nman kC naniniwAla.. prO ksAlanan q rin nMan.. haAy… cgeh **y.. bye2 na..

———————————————————————————————————————————————–

Nov. 13, 2009

6:09:46am

U’vealready given me my freedom… NOw im giving urs.. masakit pro d q nrn kya na masaktan ka… i wish u all the happiness **y… sna mpatawad mo q n d future… :c

 With this text messages from her… My anger just disappeared… I just cried again… pati nga uhog tumutulo na… as in im trying not too kse Im on my way to a meeting and presentation with the dean tapos ganun itsura ko… All I can think of was Im now about to loose her totally…I just couldn’t afford that to happen… I just wanted to be us, peaceful and quiet… living the best of what we are…  Don’t you ever go… Don’t give up on me.. I beg you Please… On my knee’s ill kneel down if you wish… 

Just when I thought

Just when I thought everything was going smoothly… Again I smile and sleep so tightly and quietly. Not until Nov. 10, the day i almost wanted to slam myself and Lucy to upcoming cars that comes our way.  No words can express the feeling that day. Daunted, I face my precious customer. After which, I walk so fast and close Lucy’s door. I broke down and tears started to fall. Wearing sunglasses, Seating down with Lucy, talking… On its tinted walls I hide myself, driving to places called anywhere until it runs dry. As if I wanted to escape from something but its always behind and catches me.  Not wanting to speak anymore words.

The story:

Early that morning I tried to wake her up at 6:00 am because I wanted to be the 1^st to say “Goodmorning”…  Meeting she has to go to PANABO… A place where her EX BF lived…

 It was unease feeling that I had that I almost jumped into my bed after hearing 2 voices of a female and male talking and laughing… Unfortunately, the line was cut-off before I understand what they were talking about. So I called again… There she answered… Unusual voice, I knew she was already awake maybe few minutes before she finally answered my call and say “hello”.

I asked her if she was talking to someone. She said “No”. So I said “ok, do you swear?” she replied “I swear”. I just let go of the doubt. Because maybe I’m just imagining and hearing things because its early in the morning.

Still worried about that scene that morning I face the day ahead. Joking… Laughing we are…  word “hun” for “Honey”  as we replace our old term for each other (Panget!). Ignoring all the bad things that may happen, Mid afternoon I just ask her again did her EX texted her again? Then she said “yes”… (how ironic isn’t?)

According to her story… Around 9am the time I expected she will arrive at PANABO… Her Ex texted her… asking for some love this coming Christmas (san ka pa?!obviously wanted her back… and definitely will do everything just to get her back)… She never replied daw… Lunch time fast approaching… Her Ex Bf texted again, asking if she’s at PANABO… and if she’s the one wearing pink at Chicken Atiatihan. Here’s the painfull part… she replied to her Ex. “nakita mo q? atik?(talaga? in tagalog)” then another replied from her EX “OO, that he just happen to pass by the resto…

Oh basta this are the highlights… She apologizes for what she’s done.  Breaking her promise. What can I do now… things had been done… and we can’t change it… I just wish and pray that it won’t happen again, and if it does… then may God give me more strength.

Honestly In me I wanted to thank YOU for telling me this. But at the same time I’d like you to know it also breaks me apart.

Message I wish you knew

Love I coudn’t have if its not for you who gave its meaning. Unperfect you are makes it perfect. Feel my heart, as it beats for you. No words it can speak but expression it makes… that my heart only knew that I LOVE YOU. 

2 YEARS

On my previous blog I wrote a topic about turning back time… Its about me who accidentally realize that everything is happening all over again in my life. Though in that blog, I started counting on the month of JAN 2009. It was an honest mistake that I should have included and count the year of 2008. Well anyway, It was the October of 2008 when my life was almost worthless, and tried to move on with my life. I could say that yes i have moved-on. Forgetting her, forgetting what we had. And now realizing that same month of October (present time), I found myself not on the same scenario but on the same level… My new found relationship was tested and start to shattered. Falling hard on the bedrock floor this month of nov. 

December 1st is fast approaching and it’s my birthday. I was expecting sana that I would not celebrate it alone. Yes I know I have my family to celebrate the occassion with me… But it’s different kase if you have a special someone with you. If I could only stop the clock ticking… I would have stopped it before pa. Haay…

Honestly I bought a plane ticket for her because I wanted her beside me, celebrating it with me.. I even bought mine for the 26th of Dec til Jan 2 next year hoping I could celebrate naman my new year with her. but this is leading into infatuation… I could just imagine… 2 years celebrating my birthday alone… 2 years I would celebrate Christmas and NewYear ALONE!…

God may have valid reasons for all this…

Haay… I hope I make it through…Im strangled with the situation…

Is there someone wanting to comment on this… please do…   

To God

Lord my God, Here I’am again… dropping you a message… I know you’ve been listening and answering all my prayers, as always…You’ve been good and have given me more than what I need and asked for… Giving me the person you think is right and who would love me the way no one else can provide… Making us a perfect couple…  With the troubles we are facing right now, help us to better understand the people surrounding us. Enlighten the pain and hatered in my hearts and fill it with your unconditional love.

Lord, I don’t know what to do anymore… I don’t know if i have made the right decision of letting her go… As much as I want to hold her back…  I love her so much,oh Lord…you know naman po diba?…

Please guide us through.

 AMEN

I miss you Panget!

Facing the wall, I saw myself crying… Smiling thinking of you as tears started to flow from my teary eyes…  

It was Oct. 28, 2009 when you leave for davao… wanting to hold you back on my arms and never want to see you go, leaving me with your embrace and a kiss. I never thought that it would be the last embrace and kiss I’ll ever have. Wanting to turn back time and change what’s ahead.

As we count the 100 days… We’ve seen how difficult it was. Confuse, we struggle to fight for this love and how fate allows us to see, as it collapses.

How hard it was to let you go… But what can I do? I had too. Not letting me know that you cry inside… I couldn’t take seeing you suffer and in great pain… I want to bring back the smile I saw on your face again even if I have to go through the pains.  For, I know god will help us carry this burden and lead us through…  

Tonight I’ll sleep, I wish no other dream but you… dreaming that you’ll allow me to kiss your lips again. As Cupid stag us with his magic arrow and fireworks of heart pops into the cold ble sky.  (corny noh…eh hayaan mo nako ha)….

God knows… how much I Love you… how much I care… how much I’m missing you…  No one can measure the feelings I have for you.

I reminisce the days… From the 1^st day I felt the magic. The 1^st night I had with you at starbucks, the 1^st you let me hold your hand, the 1^st you let me sit beside you, the 1^st lunch date with you at Rockwell, the 1^st kiss on you cheek & lips, the 1^st embrace and the 1^st “you said goodbye”.  Yet you gave me hopes of returning…  As I wait patiently for that special day… Here you go again… letting me experience how to be loved by someone… the 1^st true Tagaytay experience, the 1^st I  had at Cliffhouse… having lunch in the most romantic couch/bed… the center of all dinning tables(kahit asa nasa side sya), the 1^st fish feeding, the 1^st most romantic moment I ever had…  the 1^st chocolate I ever received from a girl… the 1^st “Duh!” and “Char lang” expression I learned.

More than just a picture of all this memories, are marks of you on my heart that I’ll remember forever… that once in my life you came and loved me unconditionally.

I’ll be sure missing you… panget

- Brian -

Arguements Again and again and again

Yes, we had a pretty tough argument last night, arguing the same thing all over again. Strong words had been said. “I really don’t 100% love (including care & how I feel about the situation)from you” I commented… “eh yun naman pla e. So what’s the sense of all this? Mabuti pa…” she replies. Anxiously I ask her again… “Mabuti pa ang alin? Cge tell me!?”… then, silence was heard… ‘til the line was cut off… The last words I heard from her. I message her asking to call again… I tried calling her using every means… Oh God knows how I tried so many times. But I guess she turned off her cellular… I was totally unease not knowing what she wanted to say…  And so I let it go… that maybe she would have texted me when I’m asleep.

Morning, I open my eyes and looked at my cellular the normal routine I do. Found no Message. I texted her to “take care going to the office” but no reply… texted her again when I arrived in the office but still no luck… In doubt of texted her I still did - “Ingat pauwi”. But talagang walang reply… I guess I had cause her so much pain. Driving home I received a missed call… It was her landline number. The normal thing we do when we got home…. I was in doubt if it was for me… Hearing no words from her for the whole day… Just missing her so badly.

Don’t know when will she talk to me or  if she still wanted to talk to me.  I’m sorry I cause you so much pain…

Living in World of Secret Relationship

Hmm… I don’t know where to start. Having a hard time putting my feelings into words…. 

Exciting it was, I knew that soon it’ll get complicated and more difficult. Welcome to the world of secret relationship I chose to live in. Battered with mixed emotions - being inloved and being loved… with happiness, sadness, jealousy & worries… I brave myself for the love and for the wrath it has to offer.

And Yes!… I’m dealing with long distance love relationship as well. Hundred kilometers apart…  8 years apart from the world were living in. We ride the rough river as it flows over the giant rocks. The love that I believe worth fighting for.

Would love be enough to conquer all? A question that kept me thinking every night. I just wanted to close my eyes to the things I don’t want to see, pretending it won’t hurt me because I’m strong. But the real me is weak.

Recently, she came back. I just couldn’t control myself but to show how much I miss her how she means to me. So soon everyone noticed. For some I confess hoping that they’ll understand. But I was wrong. Just as I think things can’t get any worse, they do. - “A prohibited love relationship at workplace”.

As I chase for our happiness, it more eludes me… Things turn against us. Deny we say now to our colleagues that we are like romeo and juliet… Smile I face them and Sad I face the floor walking away…Whispering unto myself “I’m sorry that I dragged you into this mess” I know that as I face them everyday, pain will strike me at back that I have to deny the truth all over again. It’s so sad to feel that you are forced to deny and being denied by someone you love. Untreated, deep into the center, it thorns my heart into pieces… bleeding… cryingL. Uncertain when will they understand and accept things.  

Jealous of people around her. Asking myself why others can be as close as what and how they wanted for her. Why can’t I do the same? Is it unfair? Seeing your special someone in the comfort of others. I’m not selfish, I’m just afraid that in the comfort of others, immune you will be for me…  

Weakened with the situations, I still stood and hold the thorns of roses and will hold unto it for only god knows ‘til when.

Give a chance and hear me out for I’ll sacrifice the pain I will feel cause I LOVE YOU. Breathing so deeply I asked God, if he could do me a favor… just make her (YOU) always happy.